


Can't Help Thinking About Me

by ILookDaftWithOneShoe



Series: 'Even psychopaths have emotions. Then again, maybe not' [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And progression of a personality disorder, Like cute baby to psychopathic asshole, Loki through the years, Mentions of Underage, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:50:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILookDaftWithOneShoe/pseuds/ILookDaftWithOneShoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was Lucas Laufeysson, then Lucas Burison, back to Lucas Laufeysson, to Loki Feison. Born normally, he would've been Lucas Ymirsbarn.</p><p>A rose by any other goddamn name...</p><p>Funny story, actually.</p><p>In which we follow young Lucas's life all the way up to his studies at Guildhall. From there, a tiny decision can make all the difference.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Luke Comes Home

**Author's Note:**

> For a start, I apologise for Loki's name. It's Lucas until he leaves high school. Just...roll with it.
> 
> Also, the story of Loki's parents is not fully explained in this chapter. Roll with that too.
> 
> These chapters will alter in length from medium to very short. Likely this won't take me that long to write cause none of the chapters will be huge.
> 
> Based on the song 'Can't Help Thinking About Me' by David Bowie and The Lower Third
> 
> Darcy/Loki and Tony/Loki will come into play later.

Frigga cradled the little baby in her arms. He looked like - well, like any six-week-old baby, with light blue eyes and downy blonde fluff on his head. This would change as he got older, without a doubt - both his parents had nearly black hair. But for now the child could almost pass as a member of the Burison family.

She knew babies. Rocking back and forth to soothe him, rubbing his back, she murmured sweet nothings to him.

The child needed to forget. Lucas Laufeysson - Burison, just for now - had seen a whole lot more that any baby had any right to see. You wouldn't know it, by the way the child was drifting to sleep so peacefully, but it had happened.

 _"Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree tops...when the wind blows, the cradle will rock..."_ Frigga soothed as Lucas wriggled a little.

"Mrs Burison?" a smartly-dressed woman said from the doorway.

"Mm-hm?" Frigga hummed.

"Your husband has already signed the fostering papers. If you could add your own signature, Lucas will be under your care," the woman smiled.

Because Lucas wasn't theirs. Not unless no member of the Laufeysson or Ymirsbarn family came forward.

Nal Laufeysson was a product of the English care system. Farbauti Ymirsbarn was an illegal immigrant, as far as anyone could tell. It wasn't likely. When Farbauti's trial was over, Lucas would likely be put up for adoption.

Frigga had now known Lucas for twenty minutes, and already she wanted him to stay hers. She had no tolerance for anything bad happening to children, and who knew what could happen to him if she let him go?

Lucas gurgled.

 _"Twinkle, twinkle, little Luke..."_ Frigga chirupped. She'd deal with the papers in a minute.

-O.O-

Thor was only one and a half. When his mother walked in carrying the little person, he wanted to touch.

Frigga sat down on the couch and put Thor up next to her, cradling Lucas to her chest. "Thor," she said, "this is Lucas. He's going to be staying here for a while."

A firm poke in Luke's butt by Thor was enough for the toddler to verify the baby was a baby, and enough for his mother to scold him.

"Thor! Don't poke him," Frigga urged.

Thor was going through this phase, the one where he wanted to be the centre of attention. So when Frigga got up, carrying Luke to the kitchen to warm up his milk, Thor pottered along after. "Mummy," he asked. "Where did Lu come from?"

 _Lu_. Frigga beamed at the cute name. "I'll explain when you're older, little pup."

Thor made a barking noise and started laughing playfully. Luke caught onto the sound and gurgled again.

-O.O-

Frigga looked down into Lucas's bassinet, the three-month-old baby swaddled in a sleeping suit and little blanket.

Odin walked in, fresh off the phone. "The trial's over. Farbauti pleaded insanity. He's going to a hospital."

"He should be in _prison,"_ Frigga growled.

"I agree, love. But now we ask: what will happen to Luke?" Odin said, watching Luke kick out.

"I'm not giving him up," Frigga said fiercely. "He will not be put in the care system."

Odin sighed heavily. By all rights, he wanted the child to be safe and loved, but this was not something you just randomly _did._

Or maybe it was. "The child stays here."

-O.O-

Luke's first word, of all things, was _help._

It was rather disconcerting, having the toddler squeak that at random moments.

Fortunately, Luke was hugely amused by seeing people dash to his aid. He'd start giggling, all seven months of dark-haired and green-eyed child, and then make grabby hands at whoever came to check, even after he'd expanded his vocabulary.

"Luke," Thor chuckled, sitting in front of the toddler. "Why you shout? Makes Mummy scared."

Luke blinked a few times, before just repeating the word "Mummy," back at him.

"Yeah, Mummy. She gets scared you hurt yourself."

Luke stared at Thor for a few minutes, before scooping up a teething ring and stuffing it in his mouth. Okay, so he wasn't interested in conversation.

-O.O-

Luke didn't seem to remember anything of not being Frigga and Odin's child, Thor's brother. He called them by Mummy, Daddy, and Tor (he liked it more than 'Thor') and followed Thor religiously, trying to be just like him, while patiently watching his mother knit or cook or clean.

He was naughty. He liked to wind up Odin and take things and he figured out how to unlatch his crib by making a stack of soft toys and stretching up.

Frigga loved him. She was so, so happy that she'd been the one to foster and adopt him. So happy that Nal Laufeysson had worked for Odin's campaign. Otherwise she'd never met this child, never have come running when she'd heard what happened to Nal, never have taken Lucas in.

He'd grow up to be a strong boy, just like Thor, she knew it. And hopefully nothing like Farbauti.


	2. Luke Is Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Luke is a little shit at six years old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so disconnected; some parts are full length stories of one events, but some, like this, are just tiny bits that show who Loki is at this point.

A six-year-old Luke looked nothing like a six-month-old Luke. For a start, he wasn't a baby. His fluff of dark hair was solid and black, his eyes owlish and green, and his skin pale despite his time in the sun. He couldn't really pass for a blonde, blue-eyed, stocky Burison, but he tried. Luke firmly ignored the evidence and called himself that anyway.

Today, he was starting at his new school, since his family had moved closer to Westminster. A nice private school, all uniforms and complicated entrance tests that Luke aced. Thor was in the year above him.

For now. It was day one, break time, and already Luke was bored.

A child came up to him. "You want to play jump ropes?"

Luke frowned at the kid. "Are you a girl?"

The girl looked confused. "Of course I is!"

"Am. Of course I _am,_ " Luke corrected. "And no, I don't want to play."

"You was sitting over-"

"You _were_ sitting over," Luke corrected again.

"Were sitting over. Don't matter. All lonely-like, so I asked," the girl smiled.

 _"Doesn't_ matter. And there's no such word as 'lonely-like'," Luke hissed.

"You're mean," the girl pouted, dashing off.

Luke didn't think he was mean. He was correct, certainly. But it didn't matter what the girl thought, not really.

-O.O-

"Luke," the teacher said, peering over his shoulder as he sat at his tiny desk. "Do you know the answer?"

Day three of schooling.

Luke was beyond bored. "It's Lucas. Not Luke. I don't like Luke."

"Your mother said-"

"I don't care what my mother said," Luke scowled. "It's Lucas, sir."

"My name is _Miss_ Hanover!" The teacher said, surprised by the force of Luke's annoyance, and by the gender mix-up.

"All the same to me," Luke shrugged.

 _"Do you know the answer?"_ Miss Hanover insisted exasperatedly.

"It's 24. Four sixes is 24," Luke told her.

"Where's your working out?" The teacher asked, indicating Luke's blank workbook.

"I ate it," Luke replied sarcastically.

"Lucas, I've nearly had enough of your back-talking. Do you want to go in time-out?"

Now Luke looked legitimately puzzled. "Why?"

"For being rude, Lucas."

"Oh. That," Luke said. "I'm not going to say sorry. I didn't do anything."

"Time-out _. Now."_

-O.O-

"How was school, love?" Frigga asked that afternoon.

"I got in time-out," Luke pouted.

"And why was that?" Frigga questioned, ready to give him a lecture.

"I don't know why," Luke admitted.

-O.O-

"So," Odin said gruffly to Miss Hanover at a parent's evening a few months later. "Tell me about my son."

Miss Hanover bit her lip before addressing the two people sitting across from her. "Lucas is...a very bright boy. He invariably has the correct answer, far faster than anyone in the class, and I think his academics are not what you need to worry about."

"What do you think we _should_ worry about?" Frigga replied curiously. Luke seemed so nice to her.

"He is very antisocial," Miss Hanover replied. "He doesn't play with the other children. He just reads by himself whenever he can. And he - he may be a bully."

Odin frowned. _"May?"_

"I've never caught him doing it. The other children say he's mean to them, or that he lies about things, or he did this or did that. I've never seen it, he denies everything, and the kids have no proof," Hanover shrugged. "I mean, they could be telling tales - they don't like him much - but I thought you should know."

-O.O-

Luke sat in the line for his class, ready to bat against Thor's class, of all things.

He hated sports. He didn't see the point, really.

"Batter...up!" Thor's teacher shouted.

Luke gripped the kid's cricket bat firmly.

The first one was too fast, by Luke's reckoning. Swing and a miss. A few kids giggled. They didn't like him much, too prissy and rude and disinterested in them.

The second one smacked him in the head. He fell onto his butt as the pitcher's friends and Luke's class cracked up laughing.

Luke ignored them, not particularly bothered by the childish cruelty.

"Lu!" Thor shouted, sprinting over to see if his brother is okay. "You all right?"

"Mm. No, all my bones are broken and I'm _dying,"_ Luke replied glibly, accepting Thor's help to climb to his feet.

"Brother, would you ever take anything seriously?" Thor grinned.

Luke scooped up the ball, looked at it thoughtfully, and in a moment of impulsiveness, whirled and smacked the still-laughing pitcher in the stomach with it.

"Lucas!" Miss Hanover gasped. "Why would you do that? Time-out, now!"

Luke slunk off the field boredly. Good. He didn't want to play sports.

-O.O-

"What do you want to be when you're older, Lucas?" Miss Hanover asked kindly, knowing the answer was probably going to be sarcastic or nonexistent.

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. Who cares what happens tomorrow? It's not _now."_


	3. Luke And Catherine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Frigga learns to fear her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it looks like this is a daily thing. How lovely.
> 
> And I know this is boring as frick but it should pick up next chapter.

A nine-year-old Luke was much like a six-year-old one. A little taller, hair cropped and slicked a little, his vocabulary expanded to allow him to sass with greater efficiency.

As he'd grown into being a fully sentient and thoughtful child, several things had come to light.

1\. Luke was smart. Really smart. He'd skipped a year and was still aceing his classes.

2\. Luke did not let his excellent grades get in the way of being an ass.

3\. Luke was very, _very_ antisocial. He stayed alone.

4\. The main time Luke was social was when he learned a secret or three and whispered in the right ear about it. The resulting petty squabble made him laugh and run to Thor to tell him what was going on, while lying about his involvement.

5\. All in all, Luke was distinctly emotionless, apart from frustration, anger, and satisfaction. (Satisfaction not to be confused with proper happiness.)

That, combined with Luke's sudden bursts of impulsive irrationality and weird ways of keeping himself entertained - such as climbing on top of the two story school building and then being desperately talked down by the principal and the fire department, lending young Luke the opportunity to scramble down the drainpipe, to everyone's horror - led Frigga and Odin to worry very much about the child.

Because this wasn't the way they raised their children. Thor wasn't anything like Luke. He was outgoing, cheery, and athletic - perhaps a little slow in his grades, but he made up for it with enthusiasm - and neither parent felt like they'd raised Luke any differently. He was just different.

When Luke was nine, Frigga got a phone call.

A psychology student was doing her PhD on psychopathic personalities. She'd like to interview Luke. To see whether parent and child presented symptoms similarly.

Frigga hung up on her. She didn't want to think about Farbauti, about how Luke was getting out of control at times for no obvious reason.

It hurt.

-O.O-

After talking with Odin, Frigga rang the woman again, apologising and saying it was a lot to think about. Yes, they would submit Luke to a few questions, answer a few themselves and allow her to read his school reports.

"On one condition. Luke knows nothing of his adoption, or his father, and we'd rather it stayed that way," Frigga insisted.

-O.O-

Luke stared at the short woman with cropped brown hair across the table.

"Hello, Luke. My name is Catherine," the student said warmly.

"Dumb name for a boy," Luke raised a neat eyebrow. "My parents were lying when they called this a 'standard interview for census sampling.'"

"No, they weren't. I'd just like to ask you a few questions."

"They were obviously lying, as are you. You're a student, right? So I guessed you'd do government work for the money. But you're well-dressed and stuff. You don't need their money," Luke pointed out. "Don't lie. That's my job."

Which was interesting enough for Catherine, who scrawled something down on her notes. Luke narrowed his eyes. "What was that?"

"Nothing, kid."

"Don't. Lie. Are you deaf?" Luke squeaked.

Catherine just attempted to plough this line of conversation and try a new one. Brave soldier. "Now, Luke. You said I had a 'dumb name for a boy'. Why did you say that?"

"You're not a boy?" Luke blurted. " _Shit_. Your ridiculous haircut got me."

Surprised at the swearing, Catherine asked "Do you have a problem telling male and female apart?"

"Obviously," Luke scowled. "People all look the same to me."

"What about your family?"

Luke shrugged. "I recognise them."

"How do you feel about your family?"

"Feel?"

"Do you like them? Do you ever grow angry at them?" Catherine asked.

"No, not really."

"What emotions do you feel towards them, then?"

"Nothing. They're people, I guess. Mother is nice."

Catherine scrawled a note on that.

-O.O-

"We need to talk about Lucas," Catherine told Frigga and Odin.

"What did he say?" Odin asked, resigned to the raw sarcastic force of his younger son.

"Lucas Ymirsbarn presents signs of the early indicators of a psychopathic personality," Catherine began, only to be cut off by Frigga.

"Don't call him by that _horrible_ name. He is our son," she insisted.

"Okay. Lucas Burison shows signs of early psychopathy," Catherine conceeded. "He's quite similar to his father's evaluation, with the unusual exception that he doesn't show any inclination to hurt animals. This is likely because he's already learned to hurt people instead."

"What?" Frigga said. "Luke's never hurt anyone. He's very gentle."

"Not physically," Catherine agreed. "But he's very cutting in his language. His school reports stated he's been starting fights and has been accused of verbally bullying, but he's never been caught."

Odin rubbed his forehead. He didn't want it to come to this, Luke being just like his father despite their best efforts to raise him otherwise. "What does this mean for the boy?"

"This isn't me telling you to give up on him, or disown him. I'm informing you now, not warning you. What I'd recommend you do is teach him to be as stable and thoughtful as you can," Catherine explained. "Firstly, if he does something wrong and it seems like he doesn't understand why, explain it to him first, and if it's against another person, try and make him understand why the person is now sad. You can't teach him empathy, but you can teach him what empathy means."

As Catherine's explanation went on, Frigga felt her heart sink for her darling boy.


	4. Luke Wonders Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke wants to know why.

With the knowledge that Luke was just like his father came fear.

Don't get me wrong - Frigga and Odin still loved him very much. He was still their little green-eyed Luke.

But they were afraid of what he could be.

Odin drew away from Luke and concentrated on Thor. He couldn't help it. He'd seen Farbauti's crime scene, been at his trial, and the knowledge that this skinny child was capable of the same thing was terrifying.

They were wrong, really. Just because Luke had a personality disorder, didn't make him dangerous. Nothing made him dangerous but his choices, and so far, they were good. But the concern was still there, and it shoved a wedge between Luke and his parents.

The wedge between Luke and Thor was there too, formed by Odin's attention to one and distrust of the other.

Frigga, on the other hand, was determined to stick by Luke. Perhaps give a few allowances for bad behaviour here and there.

But Luke could live with that. He was antisocial, quiet (apart from when challenged, when his mouth was the aural equivalent of a sewing machine) and kept mostly to himself, at school and at home.

Luke had come to realise a great truth some time around age ten. Being rude was all very well and good, but no one took him seriously in an argument when he lashed out first and reasoned later.

So it was one day when he simply decided to be charming to get what he wanted.

Luke could do that. He could just decide to act a certain way and that was how it was. Other kids couldn't do that.

The main thing that played on Luke's mind in the last year was the interview. He'd asked a lot of people, his teacher, other students, and not one had heard of anything like it. He'd rung Catherine's university department, but they wouldn't explain it to a stranger, and Catherine herself had not exactly been forthcoming.

So he'd resorted to his last-ditch effort in any situation and asked Thor.

Luke did get along with Thor, but found him to lack enough insight to make interesting conversation. But with Odin's drawing closer to his elder son, Luke reasoned that Thor might know something.

So after school (which had gone well - his teacher had been shocked by the sudden attitude change, but most grateful for the reprieve) Luke knocked on Thor's door. "Thor. Open up."

"'S already open," Thor called.

Luke opened the door to Thor's room to sit politely on his brother's bed. "Thor, are mother and father keeping something from me?"

Thor looked confused. "Keeping what from you?"

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed, Thor. Father is spending infinitely more time with you, becoming uncomfortable in long conversations with me, and asking decidedly awkward questions. Mother is overcompensating by being overly kind. Do you know why?" Luke asked.

"Uh....no," Thor cracked a grin. "Maybe they think you've gone craaaazy."

"That's not a polite thing to say," Luke scolded. "Nobody knows anything about that interview I had last year. But everything's been different since then. I wonder-"

Then it clicked for Luke's little ten-year-old brain. "It was a psyche evaluation. She must have been a psychologist. That's why she asked all those questions."

"So I was right. You _are_ crazy," Thor snickered.

"Shut up." Luke snapped. "I'm not. It was probably because of how much smarter than you I am."

"Craaaaaaazy," Thor giggled.

"I will _cut_ you," Luke snarled. "You're failing maths and you have the gall to insult me."

WIth a rude hand gesture Luke let himself out.

He snuck into his own room, clicked the lock, and lay down on his bed.

Luke _wasn't_ crazy. He didn't do things that crazy people did.

Everyone else was crazy. They overreacted to everything. Swinging on the swings wasn't that exciting, a pet dying wasn't that sad. Watching other people, watching their reactions, watching them lose their composure was a never-ending source of fascination.

Luke was getting good at charting human reactions. He knew how to invoke reactions of certain types these days, knew how to convince other kids to do what he wanted, and was getting good at doing it with adults. He wanted to know something about his piano teacher? Easy. He conveniently blurted a fact about himself relating to it, drew the teacher into a conversation about it, and waited for the teacher to share their own experiences. Easy.

Luke liked watching other people get upset. It was interesting.

Fascinating, too, how people around the sad person got sad too, trying to help them.

Frigga had sat him down and explained that it was empathy.

Frigga had sat him down on many occasions and explained a lot of things. But this habit of hers had only started since the interview.

Therefore, the interview had changed something. And now Frigga thought he needed some explanations.

Luke wondered why. There was nothing wrong with him, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you didn't notice, Luke's thoughts about how to get info out of his piano teacher is pretty much exactly what he did to Tony in Ch4 of Cracked Actor)


	5. Luke Does The Thing, The Bad Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke has a few firsts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: underage sex. Mentioned, not graphic.

By the age of fourteen, Luke's personality had finished establishing. He was rude, manipulative, intelligent, impulsive and irresponsible, but with a talent for charming. He liked to do stupid things for the rush. He didn't connect with other people, except when he wanted something.

And today, he'd locked himself in his room for the last hour or so.

What Odin and Frigga suspected, but were not certain of, was that they'd played a big part in his recent development. Quite simply, they'd expected him to be a psychopath, and if you offered Luke an inch of rope, he'd take a foot. So he'd inadvertedly slipped into the exact bad habits his parents were expecting.

"Luke!" Frigga said, banging on the door. "Come get your laundry!"

She could hear murmured voices, which struck her as odd. Luke didn't watch much TV or talk to himself.

"Luke, who's in there with you?" Frigga asked.

"A friend," Luke replied hoarsely. His voice was mid-breaking and sounded ludicrous.

She pretty much had an open-door policy for her boys and their friends before 9pm, but as Thor said, leaning out of his bedroom - "You don't have any friends!"

"It seems I do. I'm busy. I will collect it later," Luke snapped through the door.

This made his mother very suspicious. Especially since she heard a chuckle that was definitely not Luke's usual exhalation of amusement.

"Luke, open this door," Frigga said.  
"Why?"

"Because I said so," Frigga replied firmly.

Even Luke knew the order must be obeyed when Frigga used that tone. So he peeked his head around the door.

In the last few months, Luke had hit his growth spurt. He was much taller than Frigga now, but height was the only way he'd grown - he was skinny and spidery-looking. Thor, in contrast, was sturdy and muscular.

For all his smarts, Frigga marvelled at the fact that Luke still hadn't twigged that he was adopted.

Her son, despite his flawless lying skills, did look as though he'd been caught red-handed. He was flushed, his mid-length hair - normally so tightly slicked to his neck - askew, and -

Oh.

Frigga felt very awkward indeed when she noticed the obvious. The white sliver of Luke's shoulder, barely visible, indicated he wasn't wearing a shirt, there was the light purpling of a bite on his neck, and his pupils were blown wide.

Now, she may have been many things, but Luke and Thor's mother was no blushing virgin and she could add two and two to get four.

"Lucas Burison. Who is in that room with you?" Frigga insisted.

Luke rolled his eyes. "If I tell you that you know him, will you be happier?"

Him. Frigga was probably less surprised than she should've been - what was more surprising than the fact it was a boy was the fact that Luke was both spending time with another human being _and_ showing a sexual interest in _anyone._ Frigga had tested her boys once, been reading a dull fashion magazine and asked the pair who they thought was the prettiest - Thor had been torn between two beautiful women, while Luke's eye had roamed from male to female before he had looked at his mother condescendingly and left.

"Not particularly. Luke, you're fourteen. This is not okay."

"I want to lie and say hands were staying in safe places, but I doubt you'd believe me," Luke said glibly.

" _Lucas_ , for God's sake, curb your tongue for one minute. You are fourteen years old. You're not _allowed_ to be having sex," Frigga explained, though she could actually hear Thor (who, for the record, had just turned sixteen and been given the lecture, to his horror) burning up with embarrassment and horror in his room.

"I'm not. By the technical definition, in any case," Luke smirked. "It doesn't matter, anyway." He vanished for a minute, returning with a shirt on, before talking to his guest behind him and saying "Party's over, plebian. Away with you."

If Frigga was shocked by both Luke's candidness about his sex life and Luke's rude dismissal of his boyfriend or whoever it was, then she was nearly knocked off her feet by the fact that Luke boredly threw the door open to reveal himself fully dressed and Fandral, Thor's friend Fandral, doing up his belt breathlessly.

Thor, who'd appeared out of his room for the gossip of finding out the identity of a human his sibling was willing to approach, was disturbed. And angry. "Fandral! You lay a hand on my brother?!"

Fandral looked nervous, trying to say something, but Luke rapidly took over. "That is an accurate summary, yes. Fandral, put your shirt on and _leave,_ before Thor smites you. I have some bedding to wash."

Honestly, Frigga had never been so shocked with Luke's occasionally outlandish behaviour. This was worse than the time he'd talked Thor into jumping from his bedroom window into a (not at all soft) pile of leaves, or when he'd spiked the big bowl of tasteless fruit drink at a school field trip with chili, or when he'd explained in great detail how sex worked to his younger cousins just to see them squirm. He'd had underage sex with a friend of Thor's and then remarked about it to his mother before kicking him out. And Frigga was absolutely shocked.

It sort of clicked for Frigga then, that Luke didn't care about other people. She'd already known it, but now it was more evident than ever.

With a general air of disinterest, Luke began stripping the bedding off his mattress as Thor angrily escorted Fandral out.

Frigga closed his door, feeling weak. She needed to talk to Odin.

-O.O-

"Fandral Fringant is not allowed to come either of our sons again," Odin insisted.

"I don't think that's fair, Odin. He's a good friend of Thor's and I think we can both agree this would've been Luke's idea," Frigga pointed out.

"What do you propose we do?" Odin asked.

Frigga thought about that for a minute. "Firstly, talk to Fandral and his parents and tell Fandral he mustn't take advantage of Luke like that. Then we need to explain to Luke what he did wrong. There's nothing wrong with sex, but he's too young, and I don't think he understands that."

-O.O-

Luke sat very patiently through his mother's gentle lecture, nodding at the right moments and making the right noises. He'd been given a lot of talks like this. He knew how to lie strategically to cease his mother's nagging, and make it look like he cared and understood.

In no way did he find giving and receiving a handjob from Fandral a bad thing. He felt unusually calm and pleasant because of it, and he had the added bonus of kicking Fandral out in front of both Thor and Mother, which led to amusing reactions by all.

Vaguely he wondered if Fandral would be punished. He wasn't sure whether he wanted that or not.

Luke couldn't be punished, he knew that. He was underage and could claim that Fandral had done it against his will. Easy. Always look for the loophole.

Simply, Luke knew what he did was wrong by the law, but had no interest in a rule like that.

-O.O-

In later years, Loki Feison would attribute that day to many firsts.

Obviously, yes, it was his first time having sex in any form, and the day was notable as the day he lost his virginity.

But this was the first day he grasped the concept of sex as a weapon - a private act could certainly be used against someone.

And Loki would always cite the moment when he came as the first time in his life he felt any strong emotion, the first time he'd felt something other than just a numbness. And it was surprisingly good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little shit (◕‿◕✿)


	6. Luke + Magnesium = Issue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and magnesium. Not good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is late, and I apologise. School started.
> 
> Btw, this chapter and later ones may make it seem like I'm retconning Loki's claim in Ch4 of Cracked Actor that he's never traced his parents, but that wasn't my intention. I figured Loki lied about everything in that chapter, because why tell Tony, right?

It was only a few months after Luke and Fandral had happened that Luke was in trouble again.

Frigga got the phone call from school around lunch time. Please come pick up your son. We need to talk.

 _Goddamnit, Luke._ Frigga was scared as to what her son had done. She'd had problems with him recently, what with the back-talking and the fact he'd taken to leaving the house and roaming the neighborhood.

Frigga had no issue with either of her sons getting out and about and making friends, but she was just infinitely more suspicious of when Luke did it, because she knew full well he didn't want friends.

Unfortunately, short of following him, putting Thor onto him, or confining him to the house, there wasn't much Frigga could do, and without proof Luke was doing anything bad, it didn't seem fair.

What neither parent of Luke's knew was that they weren't handling him very well. Neither of them understood that Luke was lost, without any real guidance while they let him dictate his own behaviour, resigned to the fact he was going to turn out bad. Which wasn't true. Luke's behaviour was getting worse because they were letting it get worse.

The boy was just trying to understand his role in the world, and they weren't giving him a guide. So he went in a random direction.

After the little incident with Fandral a few months ago, Frigga had tried to have Luke speak to a sexual advisor, and while he said he'd gone and listened, she didn't believe a word of it. Lecturing Luke on a subject he plainly wasn't interested in was like trying to hammer nails with your skull.

Which had been much how the conversation of 'where do you go when you go out?' had gone.

The Burisons didn't own a car, so Frigga got a taxi to school.

When she got to the office, Luke was sitting there looking completely innocent and unconcerned.

"Hello, mother," Luke said with a gentle smile and a hand gesture. Frigga saw that his hands were lightly burned and he was holding them stiffly.

"Luke, Luke, Luke, my beautiful boy, what did you do?" Frigga asked.

Luke opened his mouth to explain, probably as dryly as possible, but the principal saw her and called her into his office.

They both sat down in front of the metal desk. Luke was inspecting his burns.

"Lucas. Pay attention," Frigga urged.

"Mrs Burison, I've called you here to discuss the behaviour of your son in the last period. He endangered the health of his fellow students and the victims may be pressing criminal charges," the principal said.

"In my defense, it wasn't my intention," Luke deadpanned.

After giving Luke a _shut up!_ glare, the principal continued. "In Lucas's science class, they were conducting experiments on the reactivity of magnesium to oxygen. Young Luke decided to take the container of magnesium ribbon from his teacher's desk and light the entire plastic jar over his Bunsen burner. He closed his eyes, so suffered no damage there, but burned his hands on the heat flare."

"You make it sound more dramatic than it was," Luke said irritably.

 _"Two girls were partially blinded, Luke!"_ the principal growled. "Mrs Burison, owing to this incident, it is being decided whether or not this school can cater to a boy like your son. Consider him temporarily suspended, and potentially facing police charges from the girls' parents. The two girls have suffered retinal damage from the brightness of the flare, and we're waiting to see if this is expected to be permanent. Several other students had short eye issues and minor burns. Meanwhile, Luke is suspended, and we'd like him to consider his ambitions in life before returning, if he does return."

Frigga snuck a glance at Luke. Through all of this, he'd stayed mostly unaffected, picking at the burns on his hands without a twitch of pain while looking thoroughly bored.

"Hm," Luke said. "Well, I'm the top student in my year, and likely in the entire school, and I think most people would agree that extremely painful burns on my hands are sufficient punishment. Expelling me is only a threat."

Quite out of character - Frigga didn't hit her kids - she thwacked her son in the ribs with her elbow. He yipped in fright and pain.

"In any case, the fact I've been left without medical treatment for my injuries for the last quarter of an hour is tantamount to child cruelty," Luke pointed out.

"The nurses are busy."

"Liar. All burned students have been processed and the girls with eye damage have been referred to a specialist. This is vigilantism. You seek to punish me in an unofficial capacity because you know I won't be punished otherwise. My hands hurt, _sir,_ and you know that," Luke rattled off. Frigga didn't miss the sarcasm on the word 'sir'.

The principal irritably rubbed his head, looking like he just wanted to tear his hair out, and maybe his eyes. "Mrs Burison, could you please do me a favour and take Luke home? I'll meet with you again in the future, but right now I have some very distressed parents to reassure and a decent amount of damaged lab equipment to replace."

-O.O-

In the taxi on the way home, after a stop at the nurse's office to get Luke's hands seen to, Frigga turned to Luke. "What happened? Tell me. And don't you _dare_ lie to me."

"It was an accident," Luke sulked. "Well, admittedly, I meant to light the magnesium. I didn't know the girls would be blinded."

"Luke. You're a smart boy. Science is your best subject. Don't tell me you didn't know this would happen," Frigga growled.

"I - I just," Luke took a deep breath, letting an uncomfortable anxiety play across his face, one of the few emotions he was well-acquainted with. "I do bad things suddenly sometimes. Just because I can. I didn't think this would happen."

Frigga felt terrible for not being able to know if Luke was telling the truth. Her son was well-versed in lying and pulling heartstrings, and if he was lying, well, she needed to be cold with him, but she couldn't tell.

Better to give him the benefit of the doubt. "It's okay, dear. Father'll have it all blown over soon enough."

Turning his face away from his mother, Luke smiled a little. Easy.

-O.O-

Unlike his brother, who could sleep through thunder, lightning and a plague, Luke was a light sleeper. When he heard his parents arguing late at night, well, he had to know. Potential blackmail material, right?

-O.O-

"He's dangerous, Frigga. This is just another in a long line of incidents that show the boy-"

"Not _the boy._ He's our son, and a fourteen-year-old child!" Frigga snapped. "He made a mistake! We're his parents, we will deal with it."

"I should've known he would be just like his father," Odin spat, completely ignoring his wife.

"Lucas is not a murderer, or a rapist, or anything else! He'd just full of mischief, and he's trying to find his feet," Frigga insisted. "You may have given up on him, but I'm not going to. We said we'd look after him fourteen years ago. I'm keeping my promise."

Odin was about to speak when Luke interrupted him with a wave of his bandaged hands. "If you speak any louder, you may wake your son."

Both parents gaped in slight disbelief before Frigga blurted "You are our son."

"It didn't sound like it," Luke replied dryly. "However, the explanation that I am both the son of another and the son of a killer would go a long way into explaining both the psyche evaluation a few years ago and your subsequent reining back of your parenting of me."

"L-" Odin began.

"Silence!" Luke snapped, trembling a little. "You've said enough. Odin, in the last years, you've treated me more as a housepet than a son, showering Thor with attention and affection. I now know why. Frigga," The fact that Luke didn't call her 'mother' made Frigga feel cold and nasty inside. "Though your efforts were more sincere - why would you leave me in the dark about something as important to me as this?"

"Luke, we kept the truth from you so you would never feel different," Frigga soothed.

"Well, that was a bloody waste of time," Luke frowned. "Who were my parents?"

"It's doesn't matter, Luke," Frigga said quickly.

"Consider that it might matter to me," Luke said sharply. There was something crushing in his chest, not true disappointment or sadness or anger, just an anxious numbness. "Being Lucas Burison is all I have. _Who am I?"_

"You are Lucas Laufeysson, and you are still our son, Luke. Don't - don't act like this should change anything. We still love you, and you are still more than welcome here," Frigga urged.

"I'm not your son," Luke said. "I haven't been since you gave up on me."

"What?"

"Whatever that psyche evaluation said, you gave up on me! You - you assumed, whoever I come from, that I'd be just like them, you marked me as a failure before I had the opportunity to try!" Luke said, and for the first time since he was three, Frigga could see tears in his eyes. Luke didn't cry normally. He was too cold. "Go on, deny it! Tell me it was 'standardised census interviews'! Tell me I'm not crazy!"

The worst thing was that Luke was entirely correct. Frigga and Odin had done it without even noticing.

When neither of them replied immediately, tears flowed down Luke's face, and he took a deep breath and said "If that is how it is, expect me back in a few days. I need to think."

Then he was gone without either parent ever explaining properly. "Luke, wait!" Frigga shouted as the front door slammed. It was after midnight! He couldn't go out in this!

If he'd given them the chance, a whole lot of explaining would've been done.

_We didn't want you to know because you'd think you weren't one of us._

_You're not crazy, we just wanted to know how to deal with you as best we could._

_We'll never give up on you, or at least, I never would (from Frigga)_

_You're our son and being from another parent wouldn't change that._

But Luke had gone.

-O.O-

Odin told Frigga to wait a while to see if Luke would come crawling back. Knowing him, Frigga severely doubted that Luke would do something so human as that, but he might come back soon because his honeyed and bandaged hands would start to ache after a while.

It struck Frigga right then how little she actually knew him. Without a doubt she was the person who knew him best, but she honestly couldn't say where Luke would go at a time like this.

Luke never got emotional enough to storm off like this. Luke never got emotional about anything. He was cold fire when angered. But it was reassuring, at least, that he could manage true emotion when confronted with something as heartwrenching and painful as this.

Frigga and Odin didn't find Luke for the three days he'd promised. They'd expected him to come home quickly, because surviving out there required food and shelter and both involved human contact, but he simply vanished. They reported him missing to the police when they hadn't found him by morning, and hunted for him all day of the next three days. Thor pitched in too, taking time off school to hunt down his brother. Thor hadn't woken to the shouting the previous night, but had been roused by the policemen in his kitchen the next morning. He just wanted Luke back.

The first night, Luke did something he'd accidentally found himself in the habit of doing: breaking into the school library. It wasn't hard, not when he'd stolen his English teacher's keycode and the building stood alone, just asking for him to pick the lock.

The fact that said English teacher seemed to be signing into the library at 1am was not questioned by the school. A glitch, obviously.

Luke saw no crime in entering the library. He actually had a tendency to alphabetise and tidy the place, anyway, so really, he was helping.

He loved books. They laid out how people worked right in front of you. Gender, age, personality, everything. Considering he struggled to do that sometimes - well, struggled with the physical, he'd learned to read people just like his beloved books - reading was peaceful.

He couldn't stay there, of course. It was school the next day. So he just neatly vanished into the mess of Westminster for a few days, going to the library and napping in a beanbag at night. He even borrowed the First Aid kit there to redo his bandages.

For a skinny kid who'd been living in town his whole life, Luke did pretty well.

When he came home, having thought things through, he just opened the front door, nodded to a distraught and shocked Frigga, and locked himself in his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really up to you to decide what Luke's true intentions were in any part of this chapter.


	7. Luke Leaves High School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke leaves High School. The title says it all.

In the end, Luke was not expelled. Nor was he arrested. Odin spent a lot of time talking to both injured girls' parents, explaining that Luke was sorry, that he'd really been upset about the whole incident, and that Odin would pay for any treatment not covered by medical insurance.

Luke wasn't sorry. Luke didn't care.

On the subject of his adoption - Luke never mentioned it, at least not to his adopted family, but Frigga knew that he was researching it. The main difference was that he stopped calling Frigga and Odin 'mother' and 'father' and just referred to them by their names.

It hurt Frigga, though, to see Luke so obviously drawing away from them. She actually started crying when he wrote 'Lucas Laufeysson' instead of Burison on his application to university.

She wondered how long it would take Luke to find out about his father - she'd tried to have a conversation with him, explain his parentage before he could find out by himself and just be more upset, but he politely declined any offer of help.

He didn't trust her to tell the truth.

On his own, Luke had discovered the name of his mother, and promptly done research to find out what had happened to her, though he hadn't found any sources that named Farbauti as his father, only as her killer.

Either his father wasn't known, or his mother had tried to hide that she'd fallen pregnant ten months before her death from what the records had named as rape against her by Farbauti.

He wasn't happy, either way. So instead of finding his father, he simply decided to adopt his mother's last name, like it said on his birth certificate. His mother evidently hadn't been keen on whoever his father was either.

Luke finished sixth form college at age sixteen with Thor (Luke's birthday having not yet come around). He was easily the youngest in his class, and stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the girls and the big, strong boys, being very skinny and awkwardly tall.

This in no way stopped him from getting Dux, which surprised no one.

Luke's attendance at the ball a month earlier, though, was a surprise to everyone.

-O.O-

Thor did not expect Luke to go to the ball.

Neither did Frigga or Odin. It was a social exercise, after all. Luke was not known for his enjoyment of those.

Just to be contrary, he decided to go.

He didn't end up asking a girl - a girl asked him, a girl named Sigyn who had some societal ambitions and evidently thought that the son of a man who was tipped to become Prime Minister in the next ten years was excellent dating material (Thor was taking his girlfriend, so everyone's first choice was gone).

"I'd be delighted to," Luke had said when she'd asked, his lips curling into a playful smile.

Unfortunately, that was the smile Luke generally reserved for charming people and making mischief, and there was no real sincerity behind it, but Sigyn didn't know that.

-O.O-

The ball itself was bland. Luke and Thor picked up their respective dates, everyone dressed nicely, went to the ball, drank non-alcoholic drinks, danced, talked and laughed.

Luke got a decent amount of ribbing from, well, everyone. Especially seeing as Fandral's half-hearted retaliation for Luke kicking him out and getting him in trouble with Thor had been telling everyone Luke was gay, so everyone was cracking jokes about Sigyn being there as a cover. Fortunately, Luke learned to ignore such teasing at about age 4, so he didn't mind.

Officially, there was going to be no after-ball party. Too rowdy, obviously. Infringements in the past. Blah blah blah. Of course there was a party, it just wasn't official. Luke hadn't been planning to go, but Thor hadn't given him much of a choice, taking advantage of his not-brother's apparent good mood.

The two girls that Luke had blinded back in the day - one of which was fine, the other of which had trouble with bright lights - tried to tip an ice bucket on Luke, missing due to alcohol-hampered reaction times.

The one person who wasn't drinking was Luke. He was making out with a rather drunk Sigyn, who seemed to have abandoned her slightly prudish ways in favour of letting Lucas Laufeysson's hand reach as far up the skirts of her dress and his tongue as far down her throat as possible.

"Dunno where he's found the time to perfect his technique," Sif muttered to Thor with a giggle. "I mean, he doesn't get out much."

Thor shrugged. "Don't question where or how Luke learned things. You'll only worry yourself."

Fandral joined into their conversation by saying "Handsy little perv, isn't he?"

What he hadn't noticed was that Luke had just gotten to his feet and was close enough to hear that remark. "Mm, perhaps you're just jealous, Fandral," he purred, leaning close enough to be considered a tad indecent. "Nostalgic for the old days, perhaps?"

Which was when Fandral remembered that Thor had never properly forgiven him for that and Luke probably had evidence enough of it to suddenly tell everyone.

Fortunately, Sigyn broke the sudden awkwardness by telling Thor in a stage whisperer "Your brother's a really good kisser, you know."

"No, Sigyn, I don't know," Thor said patiently. "Luke, Mother wants us home by 1am, fully sober. It's 11:43pm now. Don't drink any more, _be responsible,_ whatever you're doing, and for the love of any god that would still take credit for you, be nice to Sig."

"I haven't touched a drop of your poison," Luke replied, which was true. Luke was not at all attracted by the effects of alcohol. He'd had a dose of party pills - which was giving him the feeling of having licked a battery and run three kilometres - but that was hardly a first, and not a habit he'd break as he got older, so he was quite steady and decidedly sober. "And I don't think Sigyn would mind if I was a little cruel."

Sigyn's drunken laugh indicated that she wouldn't mind a whole variety of things now.

This was Luke's first experience of a properly drunk party, and he was beginning to quickly understand the power of alcohol on making people more pliable and suggestible. This was a lesson he'd use many, many times in the future, and part of the reason why Luke vowed to not drink.

"Brother," Thor sighed. "You may not have been drinking, but you will not pass an inspection by Mother."

"Mind your own business, Thor," Luke snapped. "I will handle it. Now leave us alone."

Then Luke led his partner away.

Sif laughed. "He's quite something, your brother."

Thor sighed. "Do not remind me. I'm only hoping university will do him good."

-O.O-

Sigyn looked a tad awkward as she asked "Er, Luke, you're - you're not a virgin, right? I'm not taking your.. _.innocence?"_

Luke's answering laughter, so rare from him, was enough to convince her to continue.

-O.O-

Luke's night with Sigyn was notable - at least in hindsight - as being the first time he slept with someone and never actually spoke to them again, much to Sigyn's disappointment. He nodded at her during the leaving assembly.

He hadn't actually been overly active in that department since his little _thing_ with Fandral - it did require human contact, after all - but a lot of experimentation had been done, alone and with rare company. Hands-on was the best way of learning something, obviously.

-O.O-

Luke had never been a planner. He never held long-term plans, taking things as they came, so when university registrations came around he had no idea what he wanted to do. In the end, he just picked science, his best subject, and chose mostly psychology papers because he knew he'd ace them.

He thought he heard Frigga make some despairing noise as he registered himself by his birth name.

Then he moved out once summer was over. He'd spent summer like he'd spend most of the last five or so years, in his room or roaming the neighborhood, and steadfastly not talking to his family. He'd gone to a different university to Thor, to Frigga's protests, and was, for the first time in his life, starting alone with a new name, no past and plenty of people who didn't know his tricks yet.


	8. Luke Becomes Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Kay, boys and girls. Mostly girls. Through a conversation with Akuma_River, this AU is now having...an AU! If something different happened to Loki at Guildhall! Bear with me, it'll be sorted out at some point. Meanwhile, the part of this with the next bits of Loki's life as an actor will be up soon.

A large proportion of actors of Loki's level could say that they had always been drawn to the stage, acting in school plays, singing, dancing, doing impressions, anything.

This was not Loki as a child. Little Luke had never danced, avoided school plays like the plague (so many dumb  _people_  trying to make him do things and acting badly) had never done an impression in his life, and didn't sing a note until he was in university. Surprising, considering he was actually rather talented at all of them.

The first time he sang anything notable was when he was at a bar eight weeks after arriving at university looking for someone to fuck and suddenly found himself shoved on stage by a couple of third-year students who thought hazing the skinny prodigy would be a fantastic idea.

Luke's chilling rendition of  _Eleanor Rigby_  made a few people do a double take, and made said third-year students feel a bit dumb. This was a first indicator of things to come.

He did his Bachelor of Science in just two years, doing a course that didn't give holiday time to finish it quicker. Of course, he was still dragged home occasionally - Frigga demanded he visit on public holidays, at least - but he spent most of his time working and refining his understanding of human nature.

When his degree was over, he had no plan, but topped his year and was invited to do Masters in psychology. Without any semblance of another plan, he did just that.

This was another two years spent working, though in a much more independent way. He had literally no concept of what he would do when he finished.

Luke's favourite professor, a weak-willed man that he found it rather easy to walk all over, had realised that and called Luke into his office, at the conclusion of Luke's first year of studying for his Masters.

"Your father's doing very well, isn't he?" Professor Volsung asked.

"He's not my father, and I'm not especially interested in whether or not he becomes our Prime Minister," Luke said. "His polling figures look good, I must admit."

"That's because he has a plan, Luke. So what's yours? When you finish your degree, where are you going?" Volsung asked.

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. Somewhere."

"Here's the thing, Luke. I'm a psychologist, but I'm not going to label you. I am going to say that you're both the brightest student and the best liar I've ever met, and even I don't believe for a minute you're interested in helping people."

Luke actually laughed at that. "Internally, you _are_  labelling me. I understand - humans like to have everything categorised. I've been labelled by Odin, by psychologists and teachers my whole life. I'd like to think I'm not crazy, but I've been led to believe otherwise. And I have no plans for when I leave this institute."

"Well, you should focus on what you're good at. What are you good at, Luke?" Volsung asked.

Luke's stare was putting the professor off. His eyes were shockingly green, and it seemed like they could just see through you without any difficulty. His black hair was slicked back and tucked neatly at the nape of his neck, and he was absurdly neatly groomed. His appearance was both shockingly odd and conventional at the same time.

"As you said, professor. Lying," Luke smirked.

"Well, there's a business where you can get paid for doing just that, Luke," Volsung smiled.

-O.O-

When Odin was elected Prime Minister in 2000, Lucas Laufeysson decided to throw off the first name that linked himself to him and the last name that linked him to the parentage he wasn't anywhere near proud of.

His idea for his name change was actually from a brief inquest into the names of his adopted family, deciding 'Loki' was an ideal irony. And, without a clue as to what was a good last name, he simply shortened his current one and fucked around with the spelling.

Informally, he began using it in his last year of university, but when he applied to Guildhall, he listed it as his preferred name. His adopted family bluntly refused to use it.

Odin was not especially impressed that his younger son had picked something like the arts as a career. Thor was following him into politics, and Loki had cut off all contact.

He spoke to Frigga sparingly, and never spoke to anyone from his previous life as Lucas apart from her.

In all senses, he was alone, and thoroughly enjoying it. Without anyone who knew him or his tricks or even his father, Guildhall promised to be thoroughly enjoyable.

-O.O-

Loki's auditions for Guildhall went well. His outstanding memory and knack for slipping into the personality of a completely different person meant his performance was outstanding, and his voice held out nicely for his solo performance of  _Killer Queen._

Second auditions, easy.

Final one, while it involved groupwork, was aced with the help of a pearly-white smile.

Loki was learning quickly how far his knack for projecting charisma and professionalism could actually take him without his family leaning over his shoulder to rein him in. Volsung was right. This was where he was supposed to be.

-O.O-

Loki's talent for charming the pants off anyone he felt like charming, literally and metaphorically, came in handy at Guildhall.

So did his acting talents, in all truth. He was a quick study and didn't have to resort to what he saw as the distasteful look of getting helped by other people.

For the first time in his life, he was actually using physical talent to get places that weren't beds. He was singing, dancing, acting, and learning a surprising amount of history. And kicking ass.

Loki Feison, as everyone willingly called him, finished top of his class in 2004.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments please! And questions = P


End file.
